My thoughts go out to you, your sister, and your entire family and network. Having read this just now, I can only try and imagine the painting you have created in this wonderful work. I understand that you struggle to cope with survivors guilt and the extra sentiments that follow as I would possibly feel the same way. We are only human after all and we beat ourselves up all the time because a plentitude of us do not think we deserve the good health/lives we have. Some of us strive and work and never think we will ever be good enough for the objective we are working toward. It all boils down to the strength and network around us that keeps us afloat and determined to stay alive. I really hope you can come to terms with your situation -- to which, I know, you can. I loved this article and I have my fingers crossed for you and your future. My love goes out to you and all.